


day 21: the end of my wits (is where the fire starts)

by halfwheeze



Series: thirty ways to wreck a train [21]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14155101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwheeze/pseuds/halfwheeze
Summary: ryan is spoiling for a fight, and he's going to get it, one way or another.





	day 21: the end of my wits (is where the fire starts)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is day twenty-one of a 30-day series I'm trying out! I can't say that I'll be fantastic at it, but I'm gonna try!
> 
> day twenty-one is dispute! hope you enjoy!
> 
> this is also kinda inspired by a prompt on tumblr, which i'm going to publish with this as soon as it posts!

He doesn’t know why he’s spoiling for a fight, but it could have something to do with his lack of sleep, or the phone call he got his morning (uninformative and yet still time consuming, a library informing him that they don’t have anything for his research topic for Unsolved), or it could just be that he’s in a shit mood. Whatever it is, it has him beginning the day snapping at Shane, even when he doesn’t really mean it or want to say it, and he knows it’s getting on Shane’s very last nerve. That fact has Ryan darkly pleased, even though another part of himself, one that he’s crushing beneath the weight of this pointless anger, is saying that he needs to calm down. Calming down is an idea that makes his skin crawl for some reason, so he’s definitely not doing that. 

Despite the fact that he’s obviously pissed, Shane fields him from starting fights with any of their coworkers, making polite saves whenever Ryan can start in on someone. Ryan should be grateful for the insurance that he won’t cause lasting damage in his relationship with his not-Shane coworkers, but he’s just  _ angrier, _ because he wants to fight  _ someone.  _ He’s got all this war inside of him and no battle, and he’s beginning to feel quite like a balloon, ready to pop and explode. He’s not even the type of person who  _ likes  _ fighting or violence or any kind of confrontation, but he feels so exasperated with the context of his own existence that he’s willing to take it out on anyone. Shane keeps that from happening at all, cutting off most of his arguments at the quick.

“Ryan, you wanna come home with me? I think we need to have a talk,” Shane says at the end of the workday, voice hard as steel, and he sounds  _ mad. _ The angry part of Ryan, the part that wants to rip and tear at someone til he sees something new, is delighted. The part of Ryan that keeps him soft inside is a little heartbroken, a little scared, because he doesn’t want to affect Shane like this. The anger takes over the impulse to apologise on the spot, and Ryan just nods, packing up his things at the same pace as Shane, though with a little more angry slamming of personal belongings. Shane stares at him hard while he does it, and Ryan feels a little more satisfied in his actions, even when he’s delicate with his laptop because he’s not a fucking idiot. 

“Let’s go home,  _ Shane,”  _ Ryan says, imbuing the other man’s name with a large amount of disrespect and sarcasm. Shane sighs and seems to deconstruct his anger in a way that Ryan can verty literally see on his face, then leading the way out of their office with no reply. Ryan follows with a dark grin, appeased by having Shane angry for even a moment. He’s so  _ calm _ , so  _ chill, _ that it kinda makes Ryan wanna break him apart sometimes, but only when he’s already this mad. The soft part of him, the part that is who he is a good ninety percent of the time, loves Shane’s calm, loves how he can take the anxiety out of Ryan and turn it into laughter, loves how Shane makes him feel not so self destructive. That’s what Ryan is, he knows that, but it still feels like victory to watch himself burn. 

The drive to Shane’s is dead silent, but only because every time Ryan starts in, Shane changes the song on the radio, which is actually music from Shane’s phone. The idea that Shane isn’t allowing him to talk gets under Ryan’s skin more, but it also make him more anticipatory of a fight, if Shane needs to do this with no distractions. It’s that thought that stops Ryan from continuing to try to start a fight, though he’s only biding his time. He can wait. He’s a patient guy. The walk up to Shane’s apartment after they get to his building is equally so silent as the drive, a walk the two have them have made as a pair more times than either of them could count, though it’s the first time they’ve done it like this. 

“Okay,” Shane says when they get inside, setting down his bag and sitting down on the couch. Ryan does the same with narrowed eyes, confused by Shane’s relaxed posture and lack of speech. Shane just looks up at him with eyes that don’t communicate anything, calm and tranquil, and Ryan doesn’t like being confused when he’s angry. 

“Okay, what, Shane?” he grounds out, slamming on the opposite side of Shane’s couch and looking at Shane. Shane looks at him, really looks at him, and sighs, apparently coming up empty for whatever he’s looking for. That pisses Ryan off too. 

“You’ve been pissed all day. Go ahead and go off. Get it out of your system. It’s better than having to deal with it all week,” Shane replies, point blank. Ryan frowns, not satisfied with the invitation. 

“You don’t get to tell me  _ when  _ to go off,  _ when  _ to be angry. I’ll be pissed whenever I damn well please, and you don’t get to decide that,” Ryan says, his voice a little louder than Shane’s had been, but that’s fine. 

“I’m not fighting you, Ry, and I’m not gonna let you fight any of our coworkers either. You’re not ruining your relationships with literally everyone you know just ‘cause you’re pissed. You’ve worked too hard on being well liked for me to let you do that,” Shane goes on, level voiced and logical. Ryan doesn’t like his self destructive tendencies being pinpointed like that, doesn’t like being known, and it almost  _ hurts. _

“You don’t get to  _ let  _ me do things, Shane. I’m a grown ass person who gets to choose whether or not he does any fucking thing, and you’re not my fucking keeper,” Ryan replies, breathing out harshly through his nose. 

“Goddammit, Ryan, I’m trying to help you. You’d feel so guilty if you had actually started a fight with Steven, or Zach, or Jazzmyne, or literally anyone you took a swing at today. As long as I can stop you from feeling like that, I’m going to. You can be mad at me if you want, but I’m not going to let you ruin you. Not when I could have done literally anything,” Shane says, and Ryan almost feels as if he’s left his own body. He wouldn’t have come to this conclusion in any other mood, but it’s logical in the moment, like everyone else is living in the same violent technicolor as he is in this moment. Ryan looks at Shane and sees someone who is in love with him, in this moment. And it takes his breath away. 

“You love me,” Ryan whispers, quiet and simple in nature, but immediately, Shane looks like he’s been punched. Being right has never made Ryan feel more like absolute trash, and the anger drains out of him like a plug has been pulled out somewhere in the range of his chest, and it’s all going away. 

“Yeah,” Shane whispers back, wispy and sad and awful, and Shane shouldn’t look so sad, ever. Every protective instinct Ryan has is coming back at once and he’s crawling into Shane’s lap, hugging him close, and Shane just lets him, arms coming around Ryan’s waist and settling him, anchoring him. 

“I’m sorry,” Ryan says, quiet against Shane’s collarbone, and Shane’s hand rubs a line down his back, upward and then down, up and then down. 

“That’s okay, little guy.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The chillest and yet saddest get together ever. 
> 
> Leave me a prompt @halfwheeze on tumblr, and I'll get to it when I can!


End file.
